That's what today's blog is about, how I've been searching to see the stars beyond all this darkness that's been taking over.
Hello everybody! So a couple of days ago, I had to make a huge decision that literally put my whole future plans on the line. I chose the path I honestly felt the most happiest about and even though sometimes when I think of it I can't help but to be depressed, I know that deep down, I made the best decision.
I refuse to go on with my life feeling the way that I have been recently. I feel depressed, anxious, sad, useless, and sometimes I don't even know why I'm still here. I feel like I'm pushing people away, but then I'm constantly checking my phone and social media while getting absolutely depressed when I see that no one is making an effort to talk to me. Now I'm not to the state where I feel suicidal, but I just have the need to know what my purpose of being here is. Why did the universe bring me here? What is my place in this world? Will I always feel the way that I'm feeling until the end? Will I ever look back and honestly be thankful for all the shit that I've been through? When will my sorrow and heartbreak end? When will I finally be happy?
Every night I think and think and think about all these questions that I need the answers to. I try everything that I can to be happy and hopeful, but it never works out. I've talked to a few different people about the way that I've been feeling but I honestly feel like no one completely understands what I'm going through; and I feel stupid for even bringing it up. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way as I do, but sadly, I've never met them yet.
I've been reading this book called "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's about creative living beyond fear. There's a lot of things said in here that will honestly make you look at life from a different view. A good, encouraging view. This book is the only thing right now that makes sense to me. It has taught me a lot about life and the universe in a way where I never imagined. I'm so thankful that I started reading this book, it's changing my life, for the better.
I just really hope that someday my questions will be answered; then I can finally look at everything in a different view, and enjoy it.